I don’t Ever remember being a normal eater! I could cry about this for days but there is no point. I’ve been struggling with eating disorder behaviors for a long time now. Where did it all come from? I have no clue!!! I sure know my mom would love to understand me.
Lately I am obsessive about looking at my stomach in the mirror whenever I have the chance to see how “fat” it is. Why in the world do I do this? Maybe because I don’t have a scale to weigh myself on. Confession: I do have a scale but the batteries died so now it just sits underneath my sink. I plan on destroying the extremely useless thing with a hammer and afterwards feeling absolutely victorious!=)
SO…within the last week millions of stretch marks appeared on the front of my stomach! I already had huge fatty ones on my love handles, but now some on the front, really? I am only 23 years old. I really do believe most if not all of my dreadful stretch marks are from eating disorder behavior. Years and years of my weight dramatically fluctuating. This is really embarrassing and might sound silly but how could I ever feel comfortable having sex with someone with all of the stretch marks on me, not to mention all of my cellulite!
Well at least a have a working body. I went to the eye doctor yesterday and she told me not only do I have great vision but I am very healthy. I am able to walk and not be weary. I want to sign up and start training for a half marathon. I KNOW I can do it! I have finished two before!
<3 OXO
What a brave soul you are to blog about such a sensitive issue. I have a little girl who I love as my own daughter, (She is 15) who is suffering from bullemia and anorexia. It's a terrible thing. I wish I could portray to her, all the harm she is doing to her body. I am just her good friend, whom she confieded in. We've made a few babysteps. We talked to her parents and told them what was going on. We've been able to get her into counseling and she's gone twice. I just pray that it works. I don't know how else to help her. Any ideas would be wonderful. Right now, all I do is love her and listen. It's such a helpless feeling to watch someone suffer, over and over again.
ReplyDeleteSorry to ramble. I just think your incredibly brave. I hope that I can gain some understanding and insight to why these things happen to beautiful young women.
Good luck with your journey. I'll be reading along.